Today would have been my little sister's 49th Birthday. In honor of her memory, I light a candle as I reflect on special memories we shared. Although Brenda isn't here in a physical sense, her spirit is always around. I feel her loving presence.
We shared many long phone calls in her final months. I miss those calls, but I'm thankful for the memory of each and every one of them. Brenda changed my perspective about life and death. She shared many deep thoughts. Hurts of the past no longer mattered. What mattered was the bond we had always shared despite distance or lack of communication. Through her suffering, Brenda developed insight I was privileged to hear. No matter what mistakes I make along the way, I know a part of me will be better because of what she taught me.
In one of our conversations, Brenda told me I had always been the one to fix things—to be the brick. She expressed her need for me to be the brick. I told her I'm not so good at fixing things anymore, but she could count on me to be the brick. She seemed happy to know I would do my best to honor her wishes. But little did I know how difficult it would be.
Brenda didn't want to leave her loved ones, but she came to acceptance of what was to come. She wanted her loved ones to focus on her life and what her life meant to each of us. Brenda wanted her life to be celebrated. She knew there would be tears, but Brenda wanted us to find a way to move on. I promised her I would honor her wishes. The beginning was tough. However, all the conversations we had made me realize by giving Brenda her last request; it would be the best way to honor her memory. I do that every time I remember her laugh, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes, the warmth of her love and the special memories embedded in my heart.
Brenda shared sentiment about each of her children and grandchildren. They were her life. I hope they know their mother's love will always be with them. From wherever she is looking down, I know Brenda wants all of them to have a good life filled with love and joy. I hope my nieces and nephew know that I am always a phone call away. There are times like today when I wish I could be there to wrap my arms around them.
There’s so much more I could say, but I’ll end this now by saying “Happy Birthday Sis!” I love you. Although I wish your years here on earth would have been longer, I’m thankful for the years we had. I’m thankful you taught me that life IS precious. Now in honor of your memory, I think I should indulge in some of your favorite brownies.